Monday, May 10, 2010 @ 8:08 AM
yeah it's been a while since i updated.
after reading matt's post, everything's flooding back again. All the ups and downs, the split seconds that i've thought of giving up, of turning to _____, of all the times when no matter how far you tried to stretch your neck, strain your eyes, you would never be able to see the end.
Of all the times no one could understand what you truly want to pursue
of all the times no one would be willing to support you despite knowing that you'd die just to be able to achieve your goal.
and there's so much more.
but i think i've been harping on a lot of that draggy stuff recently.. so.
and i've recently realized that though i've got friends and a considerable amount (maybe not to those who love to hang out in mega groups and laugh their asses off in public places thinking its hell cool when they look like a bunch of fools who don't know better), there are only one or two that i'm really close to and yet they still aren't the type of people my heart is looking for.
definitely, they're great friends and we do so many activities together, but (perhaps i'll have to blame it on technology) there isn't one friend that i feel would be willing to spend time, be it on the phone or in person, to listen to each other speak and confess about their worries, what they truly want for themselves, and everything else that's close to one's heart. It's not so much of a counselling session i wish for, but rather just a sharing session where you come to understand that your best friend is facing the same problems as you are. and that to me is a great encouragement because i know that no matter what happens, there'll be that one friend that will always understand, that one friend that is mature enough.
perhaps, among my group of great friends, there are one or two who look like they'd be willing to do so.
but it's a dry topic after all and most people aren't interested in long conversations without much laughter.
however i still feel that laughing, & trying to make people laugh, gets really tiring after a while.
jokes don't come that instantaneously to me and it gets tiring to upkeep the humor after 10 mins or so.
(yes, maybe im a boring person), but dry conversations still suit me much better.
hopefully, one day, i'll find that person i've always been seeking.
or maybe, it'll be someone among my group of friends.
you never know.
yup, seek and you shall find (in the near future?)